teddit

I’m a new realtor and I have an irrational fear of rejection and door knocking.

Should I take a few shots before I start so I’m more friendly and outgoing?

why is it that i miss you, is it the feeling of being held? is it the attention? It’s the love, that genuine connection that i’ve never had with anyone but you, you were my everything, I was so happy with you, happier than i’ve ever been in my life, holding you in my arms, the moments when it was just us and we would laugh at everything, the late night talks about whatever came to mind. It hurts so much not being with you. Not seeing your face everyday. I try to forget, I try to move on, but I can’t, every-time i see another person smile it reminds me of yours. Every time I walk into my room, it reminds me of you, the time where I showed you the games I play, when i tried to teach you how to play them. The time spend at yours, watching movies, hanging out with your family, playing with your dog, your sisters, the jokes i would make with your parents. You doing my makeup, playing with my hair, holding you tight, holding your hand in the car no matter where we were going. I genuinely loved you, and as wrong as it is, i still do But now i’m here alone, with nothing but questions. Why would you do that to me, you said you loved me but you still broke me, you still hurt the boy who wanted nothing but for you to be happy, seeing you now, you are happy, living your best life, but it breaks me that i’m not there by your side. I find myself thinking about you more than I should be, at work thinking about you, wether it’s happy memories, or the memory that will stick with me forever. I can’t even listen to our song anymore because it breaks me every time i hear our part, the part where we both used to sign together. I can’t even bare to hear your name come out of people’s mouths because it hurts so much. I still love you, I miss you. I can’t even grasp my head around this feeling. You were my everything, and sometimes i still wish you were.

Hey guys, I'm a 20F who's been under alot of stress lately, all this stress has lead to me feeling under confident, lower self esteemed and sad all the times, I have been crying alot lately and think this might be really not healthy for me.

Firstly I am currently struggling to accept the fact that I come from a household of 3 other people my mom, my dad and my elder brother who are fighting their own problems everyday and no matter how much I try, I can't really help them because I'm just a kid for them. I can only love them but I feel like giving up, isolating myself, punishing them with silence when they fail to misunderstand me and just working on myself in a way that I'm enough without them. But the truth is that I truly love them and no matter how hard it gets or whatever decisions I take, I want them to be with me. So, it's just a struggle to accept that this is the consequence of my actions only. It's hard loving people after all.

Secondly I feel extremely guilty all the time for not having a source of income like I used to before all my life took a turn. Even though I'm trying to focus on upskilling, I am constantly questioning myself that if I'm really good enough for anything. So, my struggle is accepting that it's okay and that I need to start acting my age right now by just doing my best and being dependent on my parents because they're only investing in me. I am struggling with accepting that I am still just a kid.

Thirdly I feel like I'm not good enough for any relationships of any kind and that I should be left alone because I've my own struggles and managing to love my people along with that is a task that I'm not good at. And all I've ever learned to do is run away than actually facing anything. I've tried to avoid pain by not allowing myself to make mistakes instead of protecting myself from pain which has only made me a coward. I feel like I keep dissapointing my boyfriend, even though he keeps helping me and supporting me, I just keep pushing him away, because I feel like I'm not good enough for him and he deserves better, I feel like such a mess all the time and I don't want to be a load on him, but I really really like being with him.

Lastly I ignore my feelings to be more desirable for people, even my boyfriend keeps saying I need to stop being so fake and a people pleaser, I have almost cancelled our dates just to get some college work done for my friends. I pretend to have my shit together even when I don't. I hate looking weak because I don't want people to worry about it and I struggle with opening up because I'm scared of being misunderstood by the people I expect to know how to handle me when I open up to them. I always think of myself as a strong independent woman and don't want to be or feel weak in front of anyone, not even my boyfriend, even though he know's who I really am, its just so hard for me to accept my reality.

It's like I distract myself with work when I'm sad instead of actually feeling my feelings, and then I sit alone and find a empty space to just cry and cry over and over again.

I don't know whether this is a call for help or just a ranting session, but I need some kindness, solutions, motivation and uplifting comment's really bad right now!

I didn’t mean to do it, ran right in front of me. I tried to swerve, may have swerved into it, and everything went flying in the car trying to stop. I felt the bump as the tires rolled over it, looked in the rear view mirror and saw it thrashing in the middle of the road. I’ve never hit an animal before, I feel overwhelmingly sad and guilty about this. For anyone who accidentally hit an animal, how did you move forward?

Please help me forget my ex. Ever since the break up, we've been on and off. We were just talking nothing more nothing less. They don't want anything more than that, but I want more. Having this in mind I tried looking for new people that would hopefully would want to start something. And i found someone, i stopped talking to my ex, and we're all good until i start missing them and they feel the same. This has happened 3 times already. That was until i found this person. they're amazing just so lovable. I ended up talking to them and just falling for them off the bat. i stopped talking to my ex and started dating this person and things were going good until my ex came back into the picture i tried so hard to forget about them but they were my first love and everything and then saying they miss me i just lost it. i apologize to the person i was dating and i ended stuff with them. i didn't want to lead them on with my idiotic ass. but they insisted that they'll wait for me and that they saw hope in me. so i kept talking to this person and my ex. i honestly felt like shit. i really liked this person but my ex had these strings attached to me and i would go back to them. two weeks into this whole thing i just fell for the other person and i ended up cutting things off with my ex and ended dating the person and we were good i told my ex that i didn't want to continue this they agreed and blocked me so i just simply let it happen and continued my life with this person that was my ex texted me and i just fell for their trap once again and i'm in complete distraught with myself. i found a person that i could see myself. i found a person that i could see myself having a future with but then when i'm happy my ex comes back to haunt me. i don't know what to do. it's as if they have this spell on me. i just want to be free and happy. I want to forget my ex but how? I don't know how to forget them. i'm not one to block or end things i find it extremely difficult. i just want to forget them. i want them out of my life but they always come back. i don't want this person to fuck me over like the other 3 times. i want to be over with them. Please help me. Please help me forget them.

Hello everyone, I hope this message finds you well. Lately, I've been reflecting on the importance of human connection and how much it can mean to have someone to talk to and share life's ups and downs with. Whether it's a funny story, a heartfelt conversation, or just someone to be there during tough times, having a friend by your side can make all the difference. That's why I wanted to reach out and say that if anyone out there is looking for a listening ear or a friendly conversation, I'm here. Let's chat and get to know each other better, and maybe we can make each other's days a little brighter.

This is a throwaway account. Also, I have never actually posted on reddit so I apologize if this is not the right format or if I miss anything.

I (21M) am from a small college town but I'm in a big city for the summer. I woke up this morning with a really bad back ache and decided that I wanted to get a massage. Now, I do this all the time in my college town but since I just got here I searched around for the cheapest one I could find. I ended up finding this asian massage parlor with pretty good ratings for only 40 dollars.

I should have known the moment I got there that this place was sketch because it was behind a grocery place and when I first walked in they asked me if I was paying in cash and seemed surprised when I said card. Usually in my college town I don't take off my underwear but these people insisted on me taking off all my clothes. I did so and covered myself fully with the towel. The lady walked in and started my massage. It was pretty normal and underwhelming, wasn't really helping my back. It was going okay and I was mentally thinking "aight this is why it was 40 dollars" until she started removing my drapes. I was obviously uncomfortable and kinda just froze (I should mention I am much less "sexually mature" than other guys my age and have never really done anything before). Eventually she lowered it below my butt and then a few minutes later the towel was completely gone and she seemed to be constantly aiming to work on my butt and even between my legs all the way up so that she would touch my genitals every once in a while. She kept on rubbing the upper part of my inner thigh and up to my genitals. I was completely frozen and (I think) visibly shaking. She kept on going and touching me in places I didn't want her too and I was too frozen to say anything. Then she asked me to flip over and held up the drape I flipped over and she covered me completely again and I began to relax. She started massaging my legs and just kept on slightly touching my genitals. I was really uncomfortable and was trying to nudge her away. Anyway at the very end she said to me in broken english, pointing at my genitals, "I will do that for extra tip". I said no way and she left the room and I got dressed. When I got out of the room she started haranguing me for a tip. I originally said 10 dollars (25% more than generous) but she wouldn't stop till I made it $22. At that point I wanted to leave so bad I just paid and left as soon as I could.

I feel so guilty because I basically (inadvertently) paid a prostitution place. I feel disgusting in so many ways. As I said I am not very sexually mature and this is effectively the first time my genitals have been stimulated and I can't believe that it was at some sketchy alley massage place. I want to throw up. Am I can't stop thinking that I should have gotten up and left when she started touching me in areas I didn't want her to or said something and I can't figure out why I didn't. Am I overthinking this? Now that it has been a few hours I am starting to worry that maybe I could even be in legal trouble. This place is most certainly illegal in California and I inadvertently funded them.

tldr: massage place touched me in places I didn't want them to and exposed my whole body, I am shaken and feel violated

(Posted this in another sub first I just don’t know which one is preferable)

Sometimes I wonder if my entire life is just some sick fucking prank.

I have ocd, severe depression and anxiety and rampant body dysmorphia. I am 19 years old and I live with my parents and work a minimum wage job that makes me uncomfortable, and I attend college for an unknown reason. Also, my cat is sick.

I just remade by bed at 4am because she had a seizure while she lay next to me and there was saliva and urine on the sheets from it.

She has violent seizures on a monthly basis. My parents and I have no idea why and neither do veterinarians because of course they don’t. We have no medication for her besides CBD cat treats which we allot to her daily. It seemingly helps reduce the rate of seizures but I couldn’t be sure.

I cannot go on seeing her suffer like that. I cannot be constantly looking over my shoulder because i think I hear her convulsing behind me. I cannot bear to see her go through these attacks and it’s soul crushing to see her exhausted from it. It usually takes a day or two for her to become her normal self afterward.

My cat is literally my only friend right now, literally. I cannot do this anymore. I thought things would look up after high school but obviously not.

I’m stuck

so i’m 15 and basically i feel like i'm such a sick person for having these thoughts like thoughts of older men taking advantage of me and me enjoying it or being r***ed by a guy and liking it and it's just like this never ending cycle of me having these thoughts and finding some sick pleasure in it only to wanna throw up after thinking them and idk what i'm gonna do. like i was walking my dog today and some guy in a motorcycle stopped and parked his bike on the curb and put a hoodie on and all i could think of was "what if he just kidnapped me and took advantage of me but yet i would enjoy it" i'm such a sick person and idk why this is happening i just need help and not only that but i find sick pleasure in older men grooming me irl and online and i don't get it like i'm seriously going mad just thinking about it. what do i do?

In the span of 5 months I've (mostly in order of least to most recent) - caught gastro (making me miss a birthday party I had been looking forwards to for months), a cold and then covid - had my joint issues flare up with no hope of solving or finding the issue since I can't afford it - had my cat lose his eye - lost my grandma - might be losing her dog soon who I love a lot - started a job where I cant help but think everyone there doesn't like me

I'm aware these issues don't seem like a lot but I have no sense of support around me right now. I've had worse years but I've never felt this lost. I turned 18 this year but finished school last year, so I don't have the resources and support my friends had in their transition to adulthood.

My Grandma's death is still very recent and has been messing with me a lot, but this is all weighing on me right now. I just had friends cancel plans and I'm about to lose my mind over the smallest things. I just want someone to let me know it'll be okay.

Hello,

today when i was driving home after a fun day with my friends i saw randomly my ex gf which i've been in a commited relationship for 2 years.

We broke off because she said she has depressions and want to work on her self but immediately after the breakup she dated another boy from the past which she knew before our relationship.

I never reached out to her since the breakup and never begged if she wanted to leave i said fine and got myself immediately in no contact apparently after some hard months i had no wishes anymore to get into a relationship with her.

After a couple of months of no contact, self improvement , thai boxing classes in thailand i came back home and then she contacted me i met up with her and she said that she still has some feelings and that she regrets that she broke things off with me and she asked if i still consider being in a relationship with her.

It was a hard decision but the only for me to make i said to her that i can't consider to be in a relationship with her since i knew that she left off only to pursue that other boy which she declined but since i got some friends they told me about it and i got some infos which approved that.

She said that she understands my decision and i blocked her ass in insta just to move on.

But today after 4 Months i saw her randomly in her car in the streets driving towards me with her boyfriend , yes the same one she declined she is not dating.

After she saw she did a u turn to drive past me to look in my car and then she did it again.

I just don't understand her behaviour, i guess she was trying to make me jealous to show that she has a boyfriend when i didn't wanted her back but why do you think this means?

She is still blocked i mean she won already she broke off with me to be with the new guy why is she trying to prove that she has a boyfriend to drive 3 times past me, i mean she is already with the new boy for almost a year, the meetup with me was 4 months ago and the breakup almost a year.

Maybe you have some opinion about her behaviour or in general, that would help me very much.

Thanks

I feel like I'm a boring person...

Everything about me feels plain and uninteresting. I have no sense of fashion, I don't have unique hobbies or interest, and half the time I'm stuck in my room all day. Everyone my age has something their passionate about, something their proud of showing-off. They have an aesthetic they like, they have a hobby or interest that makes them happy, or they just have something to be confidant about and know they have it.

Me? I got nothing. I'm a cisgender male, with interests that I don't bring the forefront of my personality, and any dream or passion I may have is never fulfilled because I lack the confidence or motivation to do anything.

And I've been feeling worse since I got an Instagram. Seeing these people show of their skills, and display how much they've changed over the course of their lives, meanwhile the only change I've made in my life is that I started wearing hoodies. The only thing I've got to my name is being Autistic. Not even the fun kind of autistic, with all the special interests and obsessions and unique traits. I'm an introverted white guy who looks like an incel soyjak; Glasses, facial hair and all.

I want to be an artist, because drawing and fan-art has always been my dream, but I never make the effort. I'm always upset that I can't draw the cool stuff in my head, and I'm stuck with nothing but my imagination.

I have friends who actually like me and support me, but I always feel like I'm lesser than them. They have hobbies and interest, they're productive with their lives, meanwhile I'm always watching YouTube or occasionally playing video games.

I feel like I'm a total loser. I'm a young adult who hasn't done anything with himself and lives in a shitty Red State that treats LGBT like shit.

​

Thanks for listening to me self-deprecate, I've been needing to get this off my chest.

29(M) I don’t seem to find enjoyment in anything these days. It’s hard enough to just get out of bed at any point in time. I’m in love with a woman who thinks I’m invisible because she seems to think love can exist between many people at a time. I’m always self conscious about everything to do with me and I live with an abusive mother. Can anybody offer me advice on how to change my life and get over these things?

I already am super aware that I'm an idiot. This was a f/f relationship.

She was abusive verbally/emotionally. There was a really really bad incident almost 2 months ago that basically forced me to break up with her. (Threatening herself, spreading lies about me etc because I didn't do what she wanted) I've never broken up with someone before and part of me still loves her despite everything. So when she kept coming back to me and telling me she was going to change and be a good partner I was conflicted. She kept making promises and tried to invite me out on dates I used to beg her for. Last week she asked if we could try again. I talked to some people in my life about it and they said if I thought she was genuine then maybe I should try. (If I'm honest I've never told anyone, including my therapist, any of the terrible things she did to me because I didnt wanna hurt her reputation) I asked her for one day to think about it and then the next day I told her I am willing to try again.

Radio silence. Literally it's been a week and I've heard nothing from her. She's been online since then many times but has said nothing to me. This was last Thursday and now it's Friday.

I don't understand...was she trying to just get the last word in or something? Like...now we are over because she ghosted me and not because I broke up with her? Is she just trying to hurt me?

I know I should probably view this as a blessing in disguise. I was having nightmares about her right after I said yes. But last night I had a dream where she really did change and showed me genuine love and I feel my heart breaking all over again. I wish I could just be over it and not care but I do care. I cared about her and she used it over and over again to break my heart and it hurts terribly.

This is just one of many things in my life going horribly. I'm so afraid nothing will ever get better and I'll never get to be happy.

I need a friend to get excited about videogames with where I live there isn't anyone into games the way I am I'm so excited for final fantasy 16 etc...

My situation is miserable

It's been like this for 2 years, I'm used to it now, i just wanted to vent. I used my phone too much, so i put a limit of time i can spend on it daily, 5 hours(not counting messaging apps and the time since midnight til i go to sleep). I don't like using my phone this much. Fortunately it doesn't interfere with my extracurricular activities, i study 2 languages by myself, scots gaelic and Norwegian, and altough I'm not a straight A student I'm the best in my class. I hang out everyday alone for an hour or 2, sometimes i also read books. The problem is that i don't have a friend group. I live in a small town so the choices of who i should hang out with aren't many. I used to have 3 childhood friends I'd hang out with. 1 of them, known him for 7 yrs (I'm 15) and since he went to school in another city he stopped talking to me, we didn't fight, he just stopped, he found new friends there(he didn't move there, just goes to school there). Second one same thing, 7 yrs, forgotten about me, i tried hanging out w his friend group last summer but they didn't really care if i was there or not, so i stopped.I didn't fight with both of them, i don't like fighting with my friends. The other one was a chill and nice boy, but his parents weren't so he got taken by the social workers without his phone and i haven't talked to him in 2 yrs, i miss him. I have a friend with whom i play every night when we don't have school the day later(all summer, Christmas break, saturdays...), But he doesn't hang out at all, he spends all day at home doing nothing, i think. I feel lonely, but I'm used to it. This id sad and idk what to do. Maybe next year I'll go to school in that city i talked about, i have a friend there that wants to hang out w me, but i have to convince my parents (I've already changed schools once). I just feel sad about it now, thx for listening.

He tried to kill me. At the time I believed him killing me would be better than the hell he made my life.

Now he has a new victim - I know nothing about her other than she was an emancipated minor so I imagine has little family support.

I know it does me no good to keep on checking his social media - it’s been 6 years since I left. I don’t know what I need, I just feel like shit. I feel so bad for her.

Four years since my last relationship. Four years since someone hugged me and kissed me lovingly. Four years since someone played with my hair to help me fall asleep.

I miss it. I miss it so very much. Every time I get a new match, I get my hopes up. Every time someone is specially nice to me, one little voice whispers "This is it! Finally another chance!". Only to get disappointed/hurt again.

For the past week, I've been flirting with this girl back and forth. Today we were having our first date. I woke up today to her saying that "someone from her past had shown up", and she obviously cancelled our date. I know this has nothing to do with me, but I'm so done.

I just want to meet someone and be happy.

My life is completely empty. The only thing that matters to me is my dog ​​and an impossible dream to fulfill. I enjoy watching wrestling, reading manga, watching a series or movie, or playing video games, but nothing else.

There is nothing that I like that I can dedicate myself to, and if there is, I am terrible at it. computer science studies I joined for no reason just makes me feel stupid. I am very afraid of the future, but at the same time, nothing matters to me. I don't want to live in this neighborhood, but wherever I go I only see grey, dull and dark. I would like to go to Swedish Lapland and see the Northern Lights, but I know I will never be able to do it on my own.

I don't love anyone, the day my dog ​​dies, my humanity will go with him. I don't love my family, I don't love the people I know, nobody matters to me.

Just like I don't love anyone, nobody loves me. No one has shown interest in me. Maybe if I die someone will cry and be sad for a couple of days, but I won't leave an impact on anyone. I would like to live in a fantasy world where everyone has a friend, lover or brother they love, I want to have someone to give my life for.

I have considered running away, I would like to go somewhere where I can see the sea, but nothing will change if I leave, I will only become a stinking vagabond, and no one would care for me. Nobody is going to fall in love with me, I am not handsome and I have zero social skills. Still, maybe one day I will, the only thing holding me back is my mother. She doesn't realize how much she's making my life miserable, she doesn't see that I'm not a child and she treats me like one. I don't care starving on the side of the road, I want to do something, anything.

I have no aspirations. I can't even kill myself because I don't want to get hurt, what if I throw myself off a building and survive the fall? What if I hang myself and my neck doesn't break instantly? I don't want to feel physical pain.

I have ideas that if I say in public, they would laugh at me, it has already happened, in fact. Sometimes I think that having a serious conversation with someone is something that only happens in movies. For example, I once told a couple of classmates my thoughts about monogamy. I think that not having relationships with other people even if you want to is making a sacrifice without getting anything in return. It seems very selfish to me not to let your partner be with whoever she wants to be with, for me she is not disrespecting me or being disloyal for it. My classmates laughed at me for that idea, they don't have to agree with me, but there was no need to ridicule me for it either.

I have never been bullied (School), I may be ugly but at least I have always been big for my age. Although my older brother has hit, yelled at, spat at and ridiculed me on various occasions since I was little. Once when I was a kid, my parents weren't home and he brought a friend over. My brother and his friend took off my pants and ridiculed me for the size of my penis (Obviously, asshole. I'm a child). I ran to my room and hid under my bed, but they dragged me out and ridiculed me again for not defending myself.

He also threw me to the ground on another occasion and kicked me so that I would give him some savings that I had hidden. And he kicked my dog ​​just for walking into his room. Luckily he left home about a year ago, I hate him with all my being.

That would be all, there are a couple of things that I would like to comment on or emphasize, but they are not that relevant. I'm sharing this in case anyone has valuable advice that can help me, thanks.

(Also, I'm from Seville, Spain. English is not my native language and i apologize if there is any misspelling)

I failed miraculously again. The first time I did the driving test I passed the road portion easily. But the maneuverability portion I shit the bed on. I came back today and failed again. I feel like I'm falling behind other 16 year-olds rn. I feel ashamed that I'm gonna go into my third attempt while other people my age got it perfectly the first time. I just feel like an all around failure that I can't get this. Also, I've practiced the maneuverability test perfectly, so it's fucking Mr up how I literally can't do it in a test. I feel so discouraged and that I'll be stuck in this position forever.

i feel tired, yet wide awake. my eyes shut, i start to drift off, then i remember i’m stressed, there’s so much to do and i’m so worried and i want to, need to, get to the bottom of it all. the pressure feels crushing, so much is riding on me. and i feel powerless in being able to help a kid who may be going through the same abuse i was, and i have no idea what’s going on with them despite my best efforts. this state of unknown is the absolute worst, and i wish i could just skip to a month from now when the dust is all settled. i’m having surgery soon, and i’m so stressed to get everything sorted befor then… waiting is such suffering to not know what the hell is going on with the (likely) next target of a former abuser

clearly i am tired, idk if this makes sense but i need to get it out… i just want it to all be okay

Hi everyone,
I'm wondering if anyone would be interested in participating in a mental health challenge. I'm not sure what kind of challenges would be most popular, so I'm open to suggestions. Here are a few ideas:

• A gratitude challenge: This would involve writing down three things you're grateful for each day.
• A self-care challenge: This would involve doing something nice for yourself each day, such as taking a bath, reading a book, or going for a walk.
• A mindfulness challenge: This would involve practicing mindfulness for a set period of time each day, such as 10 minutes.

If you're interested in participating in any of these challenges, please let me know in the comments. I'll be happy to put together our efforts to organize challenge for those who interested)
Thanks!

AITA: for feeling upset by my best friend’s engagement?

Here we go. Originally I would have loved to post this on r/AITA, but I don’t have enough karma to post there. Hoping I can get some feedback here.

The story goes:

About two weeks ago, my (21f) best friends became engaged. It was planned, he (20m) took her (22f) totally by surprise. I want to preface this by saying I am genuinely excited to see where they go and what they build together. However, my initial reaction was instinctive, albeit negative and piss poor. Concerns for them include the fact that they don’t live together, have probably less than $1k between them, and have yet so many mental/emotional stuff field between them to sort out. I know that these things are none of my concern in the long run, but I am close enough with both of them that I can comfortably talk with them about it, and we all have.

About two weeks before the engagement, a few of us learned about his plan. He originally planned to wait another few months, so we (me and other friends) were slightly skeptical. Where did the change of mind come from? In any event, this is where things started going downhill. Myself among at least two others informed them our own opinions that it may be best to wait due to reasons already mentioned, but he was persistent.

When just her and I spoke, I made the mistake of bringing up my own parents divorce. Fast forward for me to find she thought I was implied this would happen to them. (For reference, they are very devout and do not believe in divorce. Even if they came to be unhappy, they are very certain they would not leave each other, let alone that their unhappiness wasn’t true and it would merely be a struggle to sort out.) I never meant to make her think this. so is, my first mistake.

Day of engagement: I had a lot of immediate conflicting feelings, but that evening I showed up for them because I thought it was the right thing to do, despite my feelings. They are my best friends, after all, and I should be supportive. I was fairly quiet through the outing though, trying to safeguard myself from saying anything I would regret. This course of action turned out the wrong idea, though.

The following Tuesday, she rang to talk. I was at work and was unable to talk much, though didn’t get the chance to say so before she cut the conversation short due to having to go to work herself. In our brief conversation she mostly debriefed her feelings about the day of engagement. After she hung up, I typed out a very long text to her explaining and apologizing for the way I handled it all. This was not the first time I made a mistake with her, so I was on edge and feared losing her. Essentially, it all read that I understand they have a plan. Despite their approach being the opposite of many people nowadays, they have a plan and have faith in it and that is what matters. The way I reacted was wrong. I wanted her to know I was by her side. Little did I know she had already blocked me, and this text likely has still not been seen.

Fast forward a few days: after some conversation with her now-fiancée, I was told that if I wanted her, I’d have to go get her. And so, I did. I was able to catch her at work and had the opportunity to explain myself and apologize for my poor taste in person. She let me do a lot of the talking before saying anything herself, but when she did begin, I came to find a few things:

• part of her blocking me was a result of several people at her workplace giving her similar negative feedback, when she was excited. (Another reference- both of them have already been through hell and back, so for this to happen is meant to be a very happy thing in her life. This she was deeply upset by the feedback received being majority negative.)
• she wanted to take a step back from our friends group and meet more people who shared their beliefs. (I later found that this didn’t mean all of them, it really only meant me, especially given they are not the only devout people in our friend group.)
• they have already accepted the fact that they are going to struggle. personally, I don’t think their plan is fail proof but again - what matters it that they have faith in it, and that it’s what’s right for them.

At the end of it all: I can still reach him though haven’t talked in a while. I still cannot reach her. It is devastating and heartbreaking that she is “moving on with her new life”, I trust that she will be happy but I never imagined not being able to be around for it. I will still worry about her and hope the best for both of them. I tried to apologize and she listened but did not accept. I can’t expect her to forgive me, and don’t. it just still feels so strange. To suddenly have zero contact with someone who I used to speak to at least twice on any day if I wasn’t seeing her, someone who I’ve developed such a strong relationship with (I don’t have many close girl friends), is driving a stake into my soul. I’ve received so much reassurance from other friends that I am not entirely in the wrong, and some selfish part of me still wants to believe that my honesty and concern about it should have been taken with a grain of salt, much less appreciated. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that what I did was horrible. I should have put my immediate feelings aside and been more open. I know there is nothing more I can do, and that it is up to her now if she wants me back in her life.

I guess I am just looking for some advice. I have spent so much of the past three years (since Covid or so), trying to figure out who I am, and who I want to be, and part of that has come in the form of being more confident and more openly, honest with people, especially the people that I care about. However, it clearly doesn’t always turn out for the best. All I have been thinking about, for the past few days is her and the situation, the fact that I can’t reach her, just wishing I could take it all back, and just feeling like a horrible person on the inside., As though all of this building up has only lead to more problems than solutions.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for reading.

Hello, my name is Brendan, and ever since I can remeber, Ive been the butt of every joke. When people bring up my name, people just burst into laughter. It gets to the point where people like to take pictures and videos of/with me. I hate this. I want to be taken more seriously. I want to people to not look at me as a joke and to at least seee me with respect, in a way where they dont burst into laughter every time im brought up. Im so tempted to move to start of fresh again. I lve literally switched to a private school because Ive gotten bullied really bad. I trying punching people and tyring to get people to back off via getting physical because im not the best with my words. I tried doing something about it, but I just end up getting beat up and people start to laugh at me even more. I want to be left alone and for people to have the respect that Im not to be fucked with. I remeber my senior year, I got beat up by freshman and picked on by freshman. I’m also 5’6, and my small stature doesnt help me in regards to giving off a prescnce where people take me seriously enough to back off or to just leave me the hell alone. I seriously hate myself and I have low self esteem because of this and I am also constanley scared. Im also feel like afaikure because I am constanley getting cut from the baseball team and every baseball team I tryout for, even though baseball is my true passion. I have dreams of playing baseball in college, but this looks like a long shot now. Even with girls my luck is horrible, Im still a virign, never had a gf before. With everyone, I feel like no one wants to be around me. I have often resorted to tell many lies about myself because the truth is I’m a despreace leech and a wannabee who just wants to fit in, have decent friends, and not be bothered. I am. Im insercue as hell, and I hang with people the complete opposite of me because I just want friends so badly. What do I do, cause right now, everything is going bad for me.

Low blood pressure, asthma, multiple allergies, lactose intolerance, acid reflux, clinical anxiety and depression, excessive dreaming (it tires me out because I dream too hard and too long), sleep apnea, fatty liver, iron build-up (that can result in organ failure!), etc. Three of those I learned about just this past week! Gawd, isn't life swell? Always learning something new about ourselves...

I'm not even 30 yet so I can only imagine how long the list will be when I'm old enough for my organs to start failing for other reasons...