As a kid growing up, my mom constantly beat me up over the that strangers were dangerous and I watched a lot of true crime, making me cautious and anxious AF as an adult.
Anyway, I am 26 years old and a virgin and haven't dated much because my mom constantly told me sleeping with people was gross and scary and that I'll get diseases, STDs, get knocked up, etc. and she didn't believe I was bright enough to use BC right because I'm kind of an airhead and forgetful.
I've been using dating apps a lot but the guys there are mostly disgusting or lazy and just message hey. But I came across a handsome guy (27M) who actually took the time to do a videocall with me, was super kind, polite, thoughtful, and asked me out for dinner.
He smiled the whole time, offered to pick me up (I didn't accept), checked in with me to see if I needed to use the restroom, got me steak and cocktails, and was just so sweet and handsome. I had major social anxiety during the d8 because I just didn't believe this was real and the guy noticed and I think it made him turned off.
Anyway, at the end of the d8, he invited me back to his place. I panicked because I thought if I went he would try to sleep with me, so I made up an excuse about my dad picking me up and ran into the convenience store. Surprisingly, the man smiled and was very understanding and gave me a hug and left. WTF as soon as he left I realized I made a huge mistake.
When I got home I texted him that I don't go back to the guy's place for safety reasons and because it was my parent's rule, he said that me saying this made him feel like I had doubts about him or didn't find him attractive. He also said we could just cuddle, watch a movie, and spend time together, that his invite wasn't necessarily to sleep together. I told him I thought he was attractive and wanted to see him again, he seemingly understood but never asked me out and unmatched me a few days later informing me he had taken things further with another person. He also blocked my friend request on FB and I can't find him anywhere else online nor with any other women online.
TLDR: This was over a month ago and I keep having dreams about him, like for example I had a dream I went to a high-end spa and fitness club and ran into him and we slept together. I rarely find men hot nor do anything fun and I feel like this was the only decent chance I'll ever get as I'm pushing 30 and now he's removed me. I wish I got drunk and went back to his but again my MOM said he would have just seen me as an idiot if I did this, but I say it's better to be a fun goofball than to be boring like I was. Thoughts?
